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All my circuits are blown on this one I can’t even swear at it.  It is proof that God has abandoned the up-keep of his creation.

The AP “fact checks” Clinton’s convention speech.  I’ll ruin the surprise: no actual facts are checked.

Before the Fisking it’s important to just count the number of claims about politics that are presented as obvious truths without any repeat any evidence or argument to back them up. 1. “The inflexibility of both parties is to blame for much of the gridlock.” 2. “The problem with compromising in Washington is that there are few true moderates left in either party.” 3. is a little more abstract, but the piece faults Obama for “ensur[ing] the tough compromises would not get made” on Social Security and the debt.  Why are “tough compromises” necessary on these things at this time?  I dunno.  Neither does the AP.

As always, the centrist scam is to hide a very particular political agenda behind “objective” analysis.  If the parties aren’t working to enact the corporate consensus, they are inflexible partisans.  Amazingly, this consensus can be found on every corporate media entity.  What an astounding coincidence.

Enough sarcasm. ThinkProgress did its best on this turd but only got to about 15% of what’s wrong with it.  Not good enough.  Prepare to Fisk.

Clinton Claim: Obama be compromisin’ Republicans be obstructin’.

AP Fact Check: 1. The first “fact” is that Rahm Emanuel exists.  No mention of anything he did.  Just that he exists.

                          2. The “grand bargain” didn’t happen because Boehner couldn’t get Republicans to vote for it and Obama     was criticized by some Democrats.  CRITICIZED.  BY SOME DEMOCRATS.  Clearly a party is holding up legislation if some of its members are criticizing it.

                         3. Simpson-Bowles wasn’t enacted in legislation, even though the Republicans torpedoed the actual commission, and even though Obama adopted most of it for his own proposal.  The AP acknowledges these things.

Good job, AP.  Your fact check of the claim that Democrats compromise and Republicans are obstructing the machinery of government only ignores all the instances in which Republicans have been doing so to an historic extent.  Recite it with me: record Senate filibusters debt ceiling ransoming record number of executive agency confirmations denied.

Now I’m just a simple country lawyer, but it seems to me that evaluating a claim that a party has been obstructionist needs to grapple with the objective ways in which that party has been historically obstructionist.

Clinton Claim: Health care spending has increased at a lower rate since Obamacare has been enacted.

AP Fact Check: 1. It’s mainly the economy

                          2. The two main cost-saving measures have yet to kick in

                          3. Anyway who gives a shit people still pay a lot for health care amirite

The only “fact check” here that has any logical connection at all to Clinton’s statement is the point about the economy.  Interesting that the article can’t even keep it’s claims straight across paragraphs; first it’s due to “uncertainty”, then it’s about the economy being “lackluster”, which suggest two completely different mechanisms in how health care spending is affected.  Either way though both should have been even more prevalent in 2009, when the rate of spending increased, than in 2010 and 2011, when it decreased.

Goddammit is there one fucking thing in here that isn’t undone with elementary logic.

Clinton Claim: Romney’s campaign said “We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact checkers.”  Remember that, America.

AP Fact Check: We remember when Clinton lied about Monica Lewinsky so it’s hypocritical for him to call out a campaign basically stating it will lie as much as it possible can.

Guess not.  As logically insane it is for a “fact check” operation to be running political smears, THIS ISN’T EVEN A FUCKING CLAIM TO FACT CHECK IT’S JUST A FUCKING TRANSCRIPT OF-

Y’know let’s just move on to the last one.  Because there is no larger order to which we are beholden and we all die alone, let’s just do it for kicks.  Just to see if there’s one goddamn thing of value in this fucking thing.

Clinton Claim: Voter’s anger at the economy is understandable, but a political reaction to them wouldn’t be prudent.  Voters were angry about the economy in ’94 and ’95, right before a huge economic expansion.

AP Fact Check: Clinton’s comments ignore the role his policies had in later economic troubles.  The tech bubble eventually popped, and Glass-Steagall repeal set the stage for the ’08 collapse.

Those things did happen, AP, which have what to do with anything?  Clinton makes a point about the political timetable moving too quickly to adequately judge economic progress and you bring up the bad parts of Clinton’s economic record? Is your point that voters should look five to ten years into the future to look at the economic effects of who gets elected, and then compare that to what they think would have happened under the other guy?  But wait: if they’re looking into the future, then how can they change what’s going to happen?  Unless it’s only a possible future . . .

That’s right.  The only way to read the AP fact check article in a way that doesn’t make it out to be completely mendacious is to imagine the intended audience is a nation of Kwisatz Haderachs.  Centrism at its finest.

Soonergrunt at Balloon Juice points to the author, Matt Apuzzo, and his high-larious defenses of his work on the twitter box.  LolCentrists for everybody!  Oh wait just for Matt Apuzzo.

Matt Abuzzo fact checks Clinton brings up Monica

Matt Abuzzo can’t fact check the colors in a four crayon box they give him at Olive Garden

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He's like that ooze from Ghostbusters 2: distilled hate for everything not him

He’s like that ooze from Ghostbusters 2: distilled hate for everything not him

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yet again, everything in the picture is in the article.

When reviewing Jonah Goldberg’s most recent effluvia (because of course Jonah fucking Myparentscoattailsaremadeofgoldberg needs to be reviewed in the Times) Joe Klein makes arguments that are not only more stupid than the ones he quotes Goldberg as making, but ones that are more socially pernicious.  He uses cultural tropes that are more damaging than the ones he quotes his reviewed author making (again, this is Jonah Goldberg).

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Doesn't come from a top tier Vonnegut book.  But a great quote nonetheless.

Yeah Slaughterhouse-Five is pretty good

 

via Instaputz

I swear everything in that picture is in his column.  Except the last part.

 

Let me assure you

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It’s Raining Tags

#RomneyShambles Andrea Mitchell Another reason why J R is the greatest satire of our age As an academic you're supposed to be a fucking officer class thinker why are you saying this bullshit CBS Centrism: still damaging even when it comes from nobodies Centrist jizzum is the medium through which corporate political discourse propagates Charles Murray Charles Pierce: fucking awesome Clint Eastwood Clive Crook Cory Booker crazy-eyed centrist David Brooks: fucking awful David Gregory David Petraeus Doris Kearns Goodwin Ed Rendell Evan Bayh Feeeeeeeeed Fox News Glenn Kessler Harold Ford Jr. Hey you know what would be awesome war in the Middle East Ian Bremmer I can't think of a tag that can adequately capture the dickassness of Ryan Lizza I wish they would at least hide it a little Jeremy Peters Joe Klein John Heilemann Josh Kraushaar just take the middle of two arbitrary points Just wake me when it ends Lanny Davis Lawrence Lessig I don't envy you your trials LGM Mainly for me to get down in writing what's been screaming in my head Matt Apuzzo Matt Bai Matt Miller Michael Crowley Michael Gerson Newspapers Norm Ornstein Objectively defending awful policies in the name of objectivity Obscene depictions of obscene political and economic processes Old white guys be acting old and white Oprah Probably too long Rachel Maddow Romney Science is pretty alright but damn dude it ain't the only thang Science motherfucker do you speak it Stephen Colbert The fall of Americans Elect is the Centrist 9/11 The goddamn AP The Guardian These are the jokes The worst thing about 30 Rock is when they treat Brian Williams without contempt This made me laugh so hard that I was rolling on the floor Tommy Friedman Tony Blair Too angry to swear much this time Van Jones Vox Washington Post We will refrain from making Mickey Kaus goat jokes. For now. What happened Nate Silver I had such high hopes for you what is a centrist I don't even Who? Whoever coined the term "Bri Wi" should be forced to take massive quantities of Ex-Lax and Loperamide at the same time
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