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Think-piece 6504031 on This is America.  When you’re served a buffet you stuff yourself trying to savor everything on offer.

Take the symbolism as read: the background chaos lost to the dancing spectacle, the careful treatment of guns while bodies are ignored, the Jim Crow posing and minstrelsy.

Let’s go deeper.

Black Bodies, Black Roles

Dancing kids, dragged corpses, running mobs, swaying choirs.  There’s an emphasis on the physical presence of black bodies, as things that move and take up space.  And that don’t have a central, defining, function.

The prime focus, of course, is Donald Glover’s not-quite-dad-bod.  Pulsing with tension on the initial slow zoom, outrageously entertaining when dancing, exuding frightening violence holding a gun and magnetically poignant when pretending to hold a gun.

What are these bodies *doing*?

Glover’s face, on that initial turn toward the camera, goes through a series of grimaces and grins.  Trying to strike an appropriate tone, inhabit the right role.

These are bodies under a constant, frenetic, schizophrenic imperative to change.  Change dancing styles.  Change from background to foreground.  Change from alive to dead.  There is no one movement, there is no one performance, that can be sustained.

Including the final haunting image of Glover, previously under icy command of every muscle and tendon, flailing at the edge of his control in an effort to go as fast as possible.

What’s causing all this?

The White Eye of Sauron

Did you get a pervading sense of dread?  A lot of people did.  The juxtaposition of happy dancing children and chaos; the beat drop after the sudden violence; the violence threatening to fulfill the rule of threes.

Why does an artist depict this?  What audience is being forced to confront this?

Consider again Glover’s face constantly shifting in mood and expression, trying to find a role to inhabit.  The Jim Crow and overt minstrel imagery.  The sudden jarring shifts into uncomfortable violence.  Against a backdrop of dread.

This isn’t pain worked through in a cathartic way; this is pain depicted in a confrontational way.  Glover performs Jim Crow and minstrel imagery staring straight into the camera, trying to create a persona that would satisfy the audience.

That audience isn’t black.  It’s white.


The audience being performed for is white, and there’s an emphasis not only on collapsing the Black experience into physicality, but violently assaulting that Black physicality in a shocking way.

This could be forcing a white audience to confront the reality of American violence, but it’s also serving up that same violence for consumption.  The violence isn’t corrective or retributive, and doesn’t subvert unwritten rules for violence in entertainment.  (Consider the reaction if Glover’s victims were white.)

Why isn’t this an exploitation?  A diminution of the Black experience to a physical dimension and an exploitative performance of Black harm for shock’s sake?


Go back to the emphasis on Black bodies and physicality.  Glover’s menagerie of facial expressions.  These are being *consciously* performed *for the white gaze*.  The Jim Crow imagery and minstrelsy are explicitly referencing performances that were consciously chosen to avoid violence in a white world.  (Notice that the dancers are not subject to the chaotic violence around them.)

The camera itself lingers on Glover’s body, keeps the corpses distant, doesn’t focus on the chaos in the background.

There is an indictment of the stand-point of the performed-for audience.

There’s a causal linking between the violent anti-humanistic mess on the screen and the position of the white audience viewing it. Consequently, the jarring shootings raise the stakes for the consequences of that position.  The white gaze isn’t as guilty if the shootings aren’t included.



Y’know what really creeps me th’ fuck out?

Some apes have had mirrors placed in front of their cages and been given crayons.  They draw the cage, but they don’t draw themselves in itI look at those drawings, and one time it hit me: maybe they do.

Maybe they see their constraints as defining who they are.  I’ve always found that chilling.

I’ve found something worse: a self-portrait that doesn’t include the cage.

Anand Giridharadas writes an arts column for the times, but he also writes a mish-mash of columns about international political dynamics.  His sense of politics matters.

And it’s awful.

The two Brooklyns awkwardly coexist, nowhere more starkly than in politics: Brooklyn votes emphatically for the left’s relative egalitarianism — giving President Obama 81 percent of its vote — even as its gentrifiers drive out the poor, secede from the public education system and, in many ways, embody how the country increasingly shows the patterns of an inheritance society.

Anand Giridharadas, I happen to be roommates with Al From.  I read him your column (I had to; he’s too high to read much before noon, most days) and he laughed and laughed and laughed.

“Doesn’t this guy know that the Democratic Party isn’t a vehicle for egalitarianism?” Al said in-between puffs from his vaporizer.  “Hasn’t this schmoe figured out that it’s Neoliberalism With a Human Face, and that merely voting for these guys won’t do anything about advancing class mobility?”

“I think he’s viewing it through a more touchy-feely lens, like, how it feeeels to vote Democratic?” I offered.

“Word,” Al said. “That’s dumb.”

Giridharadas’ larger mistakes have to do with where this analysis of how things feel leads him.

[Brooklyn] is a place where two conservative notions flourish: the idea of competitiveness, in which life is imagined as a brutal Darwinian struggle and it’s never too early to start preparing your kids to outsmart the local math genius; and of traditionalist purity, in which good parenting means returning to The Way Things Were, resisting grain-fed beef and formula-fed humans (and shaming parents, particularly mothers, who fall short because of physiology, ambition or, simply, a focus on different things).

This isn’t “Darwinian competitiveness” and “traditionalism”.  This is “life under a market society”, where consumption choices reflect personal values and the only way to win is through comparison to others in the marketplace.

This has nothing to do with partisan politics.   It’s about political economy shaping subjective experience.  It’s about how one feels one has to live in order to gain meaning in the environment our institutions and culture create.

Giridharadas should be able to see this from his own writing, in which

that $1,049 Bugaboo stroller, that musically enhanced play date, that ergonomic carrier, that free-range egg, that multilingual nanny, that wrenching decision by the powerhouse mother to quit work against her own expectations and desires

are seen as partisan political choices.

Repeat after me, as many times as it takes, maybe start with a simple 150 repetitions in the time it takes you to mousse your hair every morning: Those. Are. Not. Partisan. Political. Choices.  They are choices made under the assumption that politics is only consumption, and so that the kinds of consumption you indulge in say what partisan team you’re on.

Does this conception of politics, in fact, hide where the real power in politics operates?  Does it obscure the decisions people make that build the institutional, structural factors under which consumption choices are made?

Will Giridharadas demonstrate it in his next paragraph?

Fuck THIS bullshit:

[A]ll the questions of taxing and spending begin with this one: How do you allocate your resources between your children and everybody else’s?

1 in 6 people can’t get adequate nutrition on a regular basis.  Wages have not increased for forty goddamned years.  All the economic gains in the past decade have gone to the top 10%.

In case anyone reading this has Giridharadas’ comprehension skills,  I’ll spell it out for you: those things determine the resources you have to spend, on your children and everyone else’s.  All the questions of taxing and spending exist prior to your decision as to whether to quit your job for your shitty kid.  Prior to what kind of food to buy.

*That’s* the arena for partisan politics.  Not “oh Joffrey is so tuckered from his multiple violin and Mandarin lessons he can barely eat his grass-fed beef I quit my law firm partnership to prepare all day for him, so I feel guilty as a Democrat.”


Howdy y’all.  After living as a Mountain Man in the Sangre de Christos for a few years I’ve ambled down to the flatlands to shoot bigger varmints.

I wanted my first post back to be a comprehensive ideological thing about something I noticed on Memorial Day.

And then I came across Mike Konczal’s recent centrism piece.

He’s been doin’ yeoman’s work and has a beautiful soul.  And this piece on centrism’s recent failures is spot-in in its parade of horribles (listed at the end of this post *).

But when he claims that those recent failures mean centrism is doomed as an ideology as a result?

Ideologies don’t die when they’re revealed to be dumb.  Ideologies die when they’re beaten.  And pretending otherwise makes it less likely for centrism to be killed and buried where it deserves to be: underneath a giant pile of the fetid stinking human misery it’s so good at producing.

Centrism’s been failing since Matt Yglesias was in diapers

Konczal looks at policy failures from 2008.  Centrist ideology has been failing since at least the mid-80s, when Reagan had to reverse himself and raise taxes in order to keep the economy going.

Since then: centrism has had failure after failure after failure.

Slashing public investment and moving public assets to private control?  Too many failures to count, but some bigger ones you may have heard of:

  • the 1996 Welfare Reform that created tens of millions of hungry kids
  • Enron
  • Repealing of financial regulation that created the ’08 crash


  • Department of Homeland Security
  • Patriot Act
  • Iraq War
  • A federal judiciary filled with hacks who construct a Neo-confederate Gilded Age between mouthfuls of tobaccee

These events all happened *before* the ones Konczal lists.

Just because an ideology produces misery doesn’t mean it won’t stick around for a long, long time


So how has this ideology been at the levers of control for so long with so much failure?

Follow the Money

It hasn’t had failure for *the right sorts of people*.  Here are a few graphs, presented without comment:

Productivity vs. Wages

Productivity vs. Wages

Pushing public resources under private control, letting business interests run hog-wild in an environment of lax regulation, and pretending there’s no alternative to this state of affairs because, all-together-now, BOTH SIDES DO IT and there’s no difference between parties, pushes income and wealth to the top and prevents the bottom from doing much about it.

Ironically, Konczal drops name after name that has been instituting centrist policies that have failed for the last few years – Peter Orszag, Alice Rivlin, Alan Simpson, Pete Domenici – and doesn’t stop to ask himself why they instituted these centrist policies in the first place.

CEO-to-Worker compensation ratios

CEO-to-Worker compensation ratios

Number of strikes involving over 1,000 workers

Number of strikes involving over 1,000 workers

Why does the Washington Post employ centrist writers?  Why are there more centrist think tanks than cow shits around a watering hole?  Why do centrist tropes and policies have influence after 30 years of providing money to the rich and immiseration to the rest?

The Long Con

Let’s try to go deeper than “rich folks control all the power.”  How?

Partly because of stuff like this Mike Konczal piece.

  • Short-term memory: the kinds of policy failures Konczal discusses have been happening for generations, but presented as if they’re recent
  • Focus on the presidency: not quite a horse-race piece (although there are shades of it), there is still a background assumption that the presidency is the end-all be-all of policy making, and that should a progressively-minded person get in there the ship will be righted.
  • Focus on correctness and not power: Konczal’s piece assumes that making correct arguments in the public square has a relationship with acquiring and retaining power.

All these dynamics prevent people from using levers of power.  A short-term memory keeps people from using levers that only show themselves over time.  A focus on the presidency keeps people ignoring the levers that exist outside the presidency.  And a focus on being correct in arguments keeps people from grasping any kind of levers in the first place.

Konczal is doing yeoman’s work at the Roosevelt Institute and the New New Deal.  But he plays the unwitting accomplice to con men in the Nation piece.

And you’re the mark.

* From the rabid spittle-flecked mania to reducing the deficit to keep inflation low (deficit remained high, inflation is now negative), to privatizing Medicare as the only way to lower healthcare costs (Obamacare has in fact lowered costs, no need to make seniors try and eat vouchers for dinner) and claiming that matching skills and education with jobs would fix the economy in the long-term without the need for short-term assistance (let’s all just laugh at this one: hahahahaha).

First: Wonkette and Charlie Pierce.  Read them now and always.  They get it.

Second: I have to piss at all times.  Such is my reaction to alcohol.  But I endure it, because I believe in swearing at centrists.  WOLVERINES!

Third: It is abundantly obvious that every single person on the TV knows that Obama is going to win, but no-one is saying it.  We will soon see who I will not want to play poker with, if I were ever invited to a poker tournament at David Gregory’s house.

10:05 Fox News: their panel talking about how a hypothetical President Romney will negotiate the fiscal cliff is sadder than all the puppies ever born drowned in a river of radioactive sludge.  To their credit: one of the blonde anchor dolls says that the Republican party was never interested in crafting policy that both parties could agree on, both in past sessions and in the future.  Although Y-delivery-system Megyn Kelly immediately says, “Well so what, even given that, doesn’t that mean Barack Obama will not be able to govern from the center in his second term.”  It’s evil, but it’s the kind of evil that I’m glad is being given airtime tonight.

10:12 MSNBC: Calls it for Obama by calling Ohio.  So did Fox News.  CNN is still clueless. I love it.  No one needs to pay attention to CNN ever again.  THERE ARE FIREWORKS BEING SET OFF IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD, and John King is still saying that “Virginia could still put Obama over the top.”  Fuck CNN.  This is the exact moment when it dies.

10:19 Fox News: the rapid reaction spin is that “Obama’s campaign did a good enough job campaigning to keep it’s job.”  Megyn Kelly: “Obama’s campaign defined Romeny as a venture capitalist, and didn’t let people see the person who spent his life helping others.”  They’re also expressing their profound disbelief that the polls turned out to be right.

I’m concerned.  There was lots of discussion of whether Romney would be blamed for a loss, or whether conservatism as a philosophy would be blamed.  Steven Heyes is giving the “Romney didn’t push the contrasts enough; the exit polls says that ‘53% of the exit polls say that the government is doing too much of what could be done by private business” line, but every other person on Fox is giving the “Romney’s a pussy” line.  The Token Blonde says “maybe voters haven’t realized things like . . . maybe I shouldn’t complete that thought”.

The conservative response might be to game the media EVEN MORE THAN lying in every clause and muddying the very boundaries of what is campaign apparatus and what is a news division.

But those are concerns to take up in at least a few hours.  Right now everyone needs to get as drunk as possible and fuck someone they care about.

10:35 PBS: Ok, chicks and cocks, I was wrong.  We can’t take off a fucking second.  Because this is the moment when the deficit hawks are going to start dominating every stray electron available to get their message out to the public that DA FISCAL CRISIS must be addressed.  PBS is doing it’s part by having David Brooks and Mark Shields agree, more in sorrow than in anger, of course, that Obama’s election means that the nation is much more likely to go over the “fiscal cliff” in the coming months.

What is the fiscal cliff?  Naked Capitalism’s got your back.  It’s a set of policies whose internal triggers all trip at once, so it looks like we’re going to be hit by the Bush Tax Cuts expiring at the same time that the trillion dollar sequestration cuts are due to come into effect, along with a few other inconsiquential measures.  IT’S THE SCARIEST THING EVER.  Except agreeing to stop the sequestration cuts is the easiest thing ever, since no-one wants them, and everything else is an unalloyed good.  (Rich people have more cash they’re hoarding now than at any other point in human history; it would be much more efficient for the state to deploy it through tax-n-spend programs than having the rich park it in stocks and bonds).

Despite the fact that the “fiscal cliff” has an obvious-to-all path to follow in order to benefit the nation, it will be used as an excuse to institute austerity, tax cuts, budget cuts, pain for the hoi polloi and free money for the top .1%.  DO NOT LET THEM DO THIS.  CALL YOUR HOUSE AND SENATE REPRESENTATIVES, AND LET THEM KNOW YOU WILL NOT STAND FOR AUSTERITY OR CUTS. 

Voting is an incredibly crude tool for letting the powers-that-be know your preferences for how the country should be run.  If you voted, you should also call your representatives, at all levels of government, letting them know that you will not stand for further budget cuts in the name of austerity.  We are the ones we have been waiting for, and we have been given a republic, if we can keep it, and future generations will wonder what you did in order to stop the thieves and petty thugs from stealing economic wealth away from you.  Whatever cliche touches your heart, repeat that to yourself as you dial your congressman, demanding she fight for you.

11:10 CNN: They’re still talking about how county-level results might affect the election, even as they acknowledge the outcome won’t be changed.  IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER, DIPSHITS, TALK ABOUT OTHER RACES, BALLOT INITIATIVES, ETC.  This is yet another indication that CNN doesn’t understand the age they are operating in, that news networks are portraying policy positions and possible future paths as much as facts, and that it is inevitable they will whither and die if they don’t change their outlook.  Fox News and MSNBC were talking about future policy and political implications in the same sentence that they were announcing Obama won.

11:13 I have drunk all my wine.  Judged it pretty good, if I say so myself.

11:27 PBS: This is completely epiphenomenal but there is a huge slapfight among presidential historians (read: there is vocab like “i strenuously disagree”!) about concession speeches in the past forty years.  Even in matters where it completely does not fucking matter, there is a “both sides do it” ethos among network news coverage.  I need a drink.


First, I don’t want to worry anyone about the title: I’m about a bottle in.

Second, you shouldn’t be reading this, you should be reading Charles Pierce and Wonkette instead, both of who have been talking about voter suppression much more than any television coverage in the last few weeks and who will be posting commentary throughout the night.

Third, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: Grape or Grain, but ne’er the Twain; Vine with Corn, Beware the Morn.

Let’s Go!

5:47 MSNBC: The graphic for the Republican candidate for Senate in Montana is wearing a flannel shirt.  I’m not sure this portends good omens for his chances.

5:58 Just a reminder: as they start reporting results, New Hampshire is likely to have its outcome known fairly soon, and if Obama wins the Old Man State or whatever the hell it is, Romney’s path to 270 shrinks to basically “win everything except Iowa and Colorado”

6:00 AAAAAAAAND we’re off! Wolfie is pretending he can’t call Indiana yet.  Integrity!

6:01 CNN: Wolfie is going to have an aneurism if he keeps screaming “LOOK AT THIS” at exit poll results.  Saying that Virginia is going to be close is not worth killing yourself, Wolfie.  Actually, strike that.

6:02 Sorry, that was mean. I hope Wolfie doesn’t hurt himself.

6:10 My local Fox affiliate isn’t starting its coverage until a half-hour after all the other networks, choosing to air an episode of The Simpsons instead.  The episode is from 2011, and obviously that’s good news for John McCain.

6:15 Actually John King is making a persuasive case that Indiana shouldn’t be called, with 80% of the vote counted and the margin between the candidates so far is only a few hundred. MSNBC already called it though.  Either way: I wish everyone talked like James Carville.  He just sounds so sincere. There would be no hipsters, if everyone talked like James Carville.

6:22 It’ll be interesting to see which network first calls Virginia, since if Obama wins it’ll basically mean the election’s over.

6:28 Every network is skeeting about Ohio.  IF OBAMA WINS VIRGINIA MITT HAS TO WIN EVERYTHING ELSE, WHICH WON’T HAPPEN.  Th’ fuck?  Actually it’s pretty clear race is the problem there.  Jeezum crepes, motherfalconing sons of birds.  And as I’m typing that CNN gives the “estimates” for North Carolina and Ohio. It’s a stupid thing to do since their methodology for determining it is as shit as the exit polls, but they have Obama tied with Romney in North Carolina, which is very encouraging.

6:35 Both Fox News and MSNBC are not doing the “estimate” thing CNN is doing, preferring to just say “too close to call” and reporting results as they come in.  CNN is so fucking awful.

6:44 The coverage across networks when they have time to fill is fairly similar.  “We’re receiving reports, ALL ANECDOTAL, of this one county in this one swing state whose results so far, WHILE WE ONLY HAVE A FEW PERCENT IN SO FAR, are off by 2008 by a couple hundred.”  Thanks, guys.  It’s not like anyone’s listening, you could talk about structural issues like first-past-the-post or our shameful “let every method of counting votes bloom” electoral system and actually serve the public discourse.  But I suppose that wouldn’t involve a huge monitor with a fancy touchscreen, would it.

6:54 PBS has a woodworking show on, which I respect.  CSPAN has it’s regularly scheduled programming but with the results running across the bottom of the screen.  Work that wood, PBS.

7:22 CNN: David Gergen is expressing surprise that the exit polls are shifting momentum from one candidate to another.  I wonder why he hasn’t been replaced by a talking dog hologram.  Wolfie throws it to commercial with a shot of the Empire State Building, whose spire is colored on different sides based on how many electoral votes each candidate has.  Literally not a single person on Earth gives a shit about that; I wonder how many people who are going hungry tonight could have been fed with the money which changed hands to make that happen.

7:29 PBS: Going from the network coverage with more graphics than a NASCAR race to PBS, which has 1980s graphics, is like going to one of those historical re-enactment sites where people in bonnets try and make candles.  Mark Shields is talking about how much pride folks from Jersey take in the Shore, because why not.

7:35 Al Jazeera: Why aren’t you watching Al Jazeera’s coverage.  The clause in which the anchor announced Arkansas went to Romney mainly dealt with polling methodology.

7:46 MSNBC: Ken Blackwell is, well, a black Republican who was a former Secretary of State in Ohio.  He has being interviewed on the MSNBC cable news network, and he has been saying that “of course the voting procedures in Ohio are fair, and they couldn’t have been run any better in this election.”  “There were long lines in 2008.  Elections have long lines.”  Ken Blackwell is a fucking liar.  Ken Blackwell knows damn well that the current Secretary of State in Ohio, a Republican, is intentionally making it harder for people to vote in this election.  Ken Blackwell knows damn well that efforts put in place after 2008 to alleviate long election lines were rescinded in the past few months for the 2012 election once Republicans controlled the Ohio state government.  And to MSNBC’s credit, every. single. person. on their panel immediately challenged Ken Blackwell’s lies and conveyed the immense stench of the bullshit Ken Blackwell was slinging.  Hope you sleep at night on a pile of money with many beautiful ladies, Ken Blackwell; I don’t know how you would get to sleep any other way.

7:57 CNN: James Carville turned the conversation on the panel from voter suppression to how people “feel” about the chances of each person being elected.  Fuck James Carville.  And Ken Blackwell.

8:09 I’m really kind of surprised no network is even mentioning the ballot initiatives.  Exit polls don’t go into those but they can mention the polling at least.  They’re saying fuck else.

8:23 All the networks are at commercial.  Coincidence?  I THINK NOT.  We’re through the looking-glass here, people.

8:25 As you can probably tell the coverage just kind of alternates between inane county-level reports with 15% of the vote counted and inane interviews with campaign operatives where everyone’s confident their employer will win.  This might be the most persuasive evidence possible that network news is a sort of club that follows its own norms.  Why not talk about structural issues that affect turnout or the issues at stake in the campaign, or the ballot initiatives at stake at the different states, or the issues at stake in judicial elections, or the various merits of different kinds of voting methods besides first past the post, or the national popular vote initiative that a fair number of states have signed up for that would get rid of the electoral college, or the issues that haven’t been discussed in the campaign like the drug war and the fact that we imprison more people at a higher rate than any other country, or or or or . . . ?  Because, obviously, everyone making those decisions is recurited from the same small pool of people, and they’re looking at what everyone else is doing and just trying to not stand out.  Like NFL coaches, or people who just got their first pubs in middle-school.

8:37 I’m surprised but not surprised at how big of a deal the networks are making of calling New Hampshire and Wisconsin for Obama.  Romney’s paths to victory focus much more now on the larger electoral votes of Florida and Ohio and Virginia, and if they lose Colorado they can’t lose Iowa or else they lose. This is a Tipping Point, as Malcolm Gladwell might arrogantly say, and no-one is treating it as such.  I suppose it doesn’t really matter, but it’s another data point to throw on the humungous fucking pile of data points that news coverage serves their corporate interests first and foremost.

9:04 MSNBC: Chris Hayes is shouting about Senate filibuster reform.  If MSNBC can somhow de-politicize the “good government” ethos it’s been pushing tonight it will make a trillion dollars.  Of course if they try they will be politicized by Rush et al, which will filter up to Fox News and from there to CNN and Bob Schieffer  and so forth.

9:15 PBS: Austan Goolsbee has lost an immense amount of hair in the past three months.  Poor guy.  Not really.  I’m commenting on Austen Goolsbee’s hair because everything else is pretty much set: Obama’s gon’ win, Senate and House retain their previous party control, too early too call anything else like ballot initiatives.  And instead of talking about important things the networks are talking about . . . nothing.  PBS has some historian about how Reagan offered a model for Obama about “running on an economic record that was not objectively good, but getting better”.  WHY NO TALKEE ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS, is my question.

9:21 CNN: It’s really weird listening to these pundits talk, since they all switch from “who’s gon’ win” to “why Romney lost” without acknowledging that Romney lost.  Like that scene from 1984 in the public square where thousands of people are gnashing their teeth about how awful their enemy Eastasia is, and they switch on a dime to hating Eurasia.  There are so many little artifacts littering the media landscape indicating how in-step they all are without telling the public what’s going on.

9:34 Fox News: EVERYONE, HUSH! Peggy Noonan has the floor.  “We won’t know what’s happening until everything’s done, and, goodness, two billion dollars spent and we end up with the same government!” Peggy Noonan, recall, used to be the most important person in the world: Reagan’s speechwriter, a young woman, guaranteed a top post in the next Republican administration where she gave George H.W. Bush the best speech he ever gave.  She grew up hearing her words echoed down the corridors of power, still just a child in some ways when the words she came up with, solely the product of her own imagination and drive, helped change the course of the world.  And know she’s reliable filler that bridges two hundred seconds of dead air between the commercial break and Dick Morris.  Peggy Noonan is the true loser tonight, and she should be in your prayers.

9:42 Al Jazeera: They’re talking about the politics of the timing of Romney’s concession speech while CNN is running a graphic saying Romney has more electoral votes than Obama.  Jus’ sayin’.

10:00 I made a new post,  before I deal with the dietetic effects of alcohol on the human genus.  Thank Christ Obama won, if Romney were president nerdy jokes would not be tolerated.

There’s no God, honey is taking on the metallic taste of radioactivity, and Major Garrett has a job.  Clearly nothing matters, so fuck it, let’s go.

3:16 MSNBC: Dana Milbank’s head has more bulges than Christina Hendriks’ body, my stars.  He looks like Peter Sarsgaard in Green Lantern.

3:24 CNN: Wolfie’s talking about long lines in Florida.  Will there be a mention of Governor Luthor’s conscious decisions to increase those lines?

3:26 CNN: No.  But there’s a shortage of pens at a random polling place in Miami!  Thanks Wolfie.  I’d suggest a drinking game every time obstacles to voting are mentioned without talking about conscious policies deliberately undertaken to depress voter turnout and make it harder for votes to be cast and counted, but there is not enough grain in the world to make that much alcohol.

3:32 MSNBC: Ana Marie Cox!  Her outfit looks like it was chosen by the costume designer on Girls.  (How’s it feel, Ana Marie Cox, now that the shoe is on the other foot)

3:37 CNN: oh my god Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer is wearing an electric rainbow dream bolo tie.  And Van Jones says long lines are like a “poll tax” but attributes them to “structural causes”.  One of these is funny and one of these is sad.

3:52 CNN: Another drinking game that the categorical imperative insists should not be undertaken: take a drink every time someone talks about “increased turnout from 2008” without talking about the increase in population in the last four years.  Fer instance saying Virginia’s showing “more turnout than 2008” without mentioning there are half a million more people in Virginia now is, uhm, silly.

3:59 CNN: They’re talking about the Mitt Romney vote vending machine in Pennsylvania!  And they have a second confirmed case!  Oh but wait they’re “fixed” now.  Thank goodness, I’m relieved.  But what was wrong with the machine?  Was it software, hardware?  Was it one from Josh Romney’s company? Wolfie: “Hard to believe this could happen, in the United States of America.”  Only if you watch CNN, Wolfie.

4:06 whoops it’s Tagg Romney that has the shady ties with the investment firm that owns the voting machine company.  Of course Glenn Kessler’s outfit says there’s no need to worry.  Hey Kessler should go on CNN, it’d be a good home for him to piss out fires caused by plutocratic voting processes.

4:15 CNN: Mary Matalin is literally gritting her teeth when her husband the Cajun Lizard King is talking.  Have some more Maker’s Mark, Mary.

4:22 MSNBC: Chris Matthews you fucking idiot.  Joy Reid’s been doing the hard work at whatever the hell NBC thinks The Grio is, documenting the day-to-day voter suppression stuff and doing it in a way that names names, and when you interview her and she’s preaching the Good Stuff you cap it off with “That’s what I tell young people, whenever I talk to them, the act is voting, that’s the actual event, it’s not watching it on TV, you have to get out there and do it.”  Thank Christ America is lucky enough to have Chris Matthews be the guardian of the flame of conscience for young people, and that he focuses on it with such fervor.

4:26 CNN There’s a cute little fat kid in a bomber jacket in a polling place some dickhead correspondent is at in New Hampshire.  God speed, cute little fat kid.  Don’t fill up on civic pride, you’re eating dinner soon.

4:41 CNN Wolfie’s been teasing these first exit poll results like they show Michelle Obama saying “whitey”.

4:49 Fox News: Both Sides Do It Department: apparently there’s an elementary school that has a mural of Barack Obama in the room that’s serving as a polling place.  Voter intimidation!  I want to drink some Coors Light with someone who is concerned about this.

4:53 MSNBC: these guys are actually doing a fairly good job of talking about voter suppression.  Matthews is a cack but everyone he’s interviewing is bringing it up.  The slow transition from “objective” media to ones that are not controlled by those dynamics will not be without its upsides.

5:01 CNN: Holy shit Encyclopedia Brown is relevant to this election! Apparently Obama wiped away “three tears” at an Iowa rally on Monday night.  But in “The Case of Hilbert’s Song”, a chapter from Encyclopedia Brown Sets the Pace, Encyclopedia Brown deduces a little girl must be lying about something because she cries multiple tears from an outer duct, and multiple tears induced from sadness always fall from an inner duct.  And guess what you guys! Obama’s multiple tears all fell from his outer duct.  They must have been due to the cold, or the wind.  Thanks, Encyclopedia Brown, you have officially been more useful to analysis of this election than John King.

5:08 CNN: Candy Crowley is at the Romney campaign headquarters!  Awwwkwwwaaaaaarrrrrrrrrd.

5:17 Exit poll results are starting to trickle in.  Don’t trust exit polls, about anything.  CNN has a hologram of what Romney and Obama’s baby would look like clicking through how “satisfied” exit polls show Virginia voters to be with Obama.  MSNBC is not mentioning them at all.  Advantage: MSNBC.

5:23 CNN: YESYESYES As if on cue CNN is starting to break out it’s “virtual” graphics.  Right now they have some guy talking in front of a “virtual Senate”, which is a green screen that looks like a 3-D model of the Senate chamber.  Keep in mind: this is just a green screen that happens to have a 3-D perspective, the guy talking is not moving or anything.  Hopefully CNN will break out true AI later as results start to trickle in.

5:26 CNN: WAIT the guy talking in the “virtual Senate” just rested his arm on one of the 3-D “virtual desks” in the “virtual Senate”.  Their technology is more impressive than appears at first glance.  I think this indicates CNN will inaugurate the Singularity once the Nevada polls close.

5:45 Made a new post for the actual results, here


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It’s Raining Tags

#RomneyShambles Andrea Mitchell Another reason why J R is the greatest satire of our age As an academic you're supposed to be a fucking officer class thinker why are you saying this bullshit CBS Centrism: still damaging even when it comes from nobodies Centrist jizzum is the medium through which corporate political discourse propagates Charles Murray Charles Pierce: fucking awesome Clint Eastwood Clive Crook Cory Booker crazy-eyed centrist David Brooks: fucking awful David Gregory David Petraeus Doris Kearns Goodwin Ed Rendell Evan Bayh Feeeeeeeeed Fox News Glenn Kessler Harold Ford Jr. Hey you know what would be awesome war in the Middle East Ian Bremmer I can't think of a tag that can adequately capture the dickassness of Ryan Lizza I wish they would at least hide it a little Jeremy Peters Joe Klein John Heilemann Josh Kraushaar just take the middle of two arbitrary points Just wake me when it ends Lanny Davis Lawrence Lessig I don't envy you your trials LGM Mainly for me to get down in writing what's been screaming in my head Matt Apuzzo Matt Bai Matt Miller Michael Crowley Michael Gerson Newspapers Norm Ornstein Objectively defending awful policies in the name of objectivity Obscene depictions of obscene political and economic processes Old white guys be acting old and white Oprah Probably too long Rachel Maddow Romney Science is pretty alright but damn dude it ain't the only thang Science motherfucker do you speak it Stephen Colbert The fall of Americans Elect is the Centrist 9/11 The goddamn AP The Guardian These are the jokes The worst thing about 30 Rock is when they treat Brian Williams without contempt This made me laugh so hard that I was rolling on the floor Tommy Friedman Tony Blair Too angry to swear much this time Van Jones Vox Washington Post We will refrain from making Mickey Kaus goat jokes. For now. What happened Nate Silver I had such high hopes for you what is a centrist I don't even Who? Whoever coined the term "Bri Wi" should be forced to take massive quantities of Ex-Lax and Loperamide at the same time
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