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Maggie Haberman oozes.

She has no choice; she is a gelatinous mass, a bubble of viscous cytoplasm with an anus, lacking sense organs, appendages, cilia.  Animated by some dark curse that also grants her cognition, so that as she lurches – obscene, rancid, staining her path with a sickly-sweet residue – she pontificates.  As she envelops a child’s wooden train: “The Simpsons only got good after season 17.”  Gumming up a water treatment facility: “Crackle is the best streaming site.”  Suffocating a village as completely as Pompeii: “POTUS gave his best speech as POTUS.”

We cannot judge her for the nonsense she thinks up.  We are not in her place, a ball of conscious snot ambulating around Washington.  The pressure on a mind merely existing in that state, let alone trying to reconcile careerist cognitive dissonance on a world-altering scale, is incomprehensible.

We need to ignore her refusal to acknowledge what regression analysis, word clouds, and an eighth-grade media literacy has been screaming for a year – that the rate of coverage of Hillary Clinton emails approached a kind of treasonous incontinence – except to repeatedly gibber variations of “She was under FBI investigation as a presumptive party nominee. Not sure how that isn’t a story.”  Any of us might do the same in her position.

We chordates, in our privilege, cannot know if we would handle ever-changing Administrative spin about meeting with the Russians as credulously as Maggie Haberman.

But turn now, if you can stomach it, to contemplating something uglier than her body: her social position.  The isolation!  The loneliness!   Wobbling jelly has no experience of communal life.  Even as Maggie Haberman reports (and tweets and tweets and tweets and tweets) on a tumbril remark by Steve Mnuchin’s vulgar trophy wife, the social relations are simply invisible to her.  She can’t see that the obscenity isn’t the speech, it’s the position of the speakers; that a c-suite Goldman Sachs wife deboarding Air Force One laden with designer clothes is an indictment of the system that allowed it to happen.

Of course she can’t see that.  She’s slime.






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It’s Raining Tags

#RomneyShambles Andrea Mitchell Another reason why J R is the greatest satire of our age As an academic you're supposed to be a fucking officer class thinker why are you saying this bullshit CBS Centrism: still damaging even when it comes from nobodies Centrist jizzum is the medium through which corporate political discourse propagates Charles Murray Charles Pierce: fucking awesome Clint Eastwood Clive Crook Cory Booker crazy-eyed centrist David Brooks: fucking awful David Gregory David Petraeus Doris Kearns Goodwin Ed Rendell Evan Bayh Feeeeeeeeed Fox News Glenn Kessler Harold Ford Jr. Hey you know what would be awesome war in the Middle East Ian Bremmer I can't think of a tag that can adequately capture the dickassness of Ryan Lizza I wish they would at least hide it a little Jeremy Peters Joe Klein John Heilemann Josh Kraushaar just take the middle of two arbitrary points Just wake me when it ends Lanny Davis Lawrence Lessig I don't envy you your trials LGM Mainly for me to get down in writing what's been screaming in my head Matt Apuzzo Matt Bai Matt Miller Michael Crowley Michael Gerson Newspapers Norm Ornstein Objectively defending awful policies in the name of objectivity Obscene depictions of obscene political and economic processes Old white guys be acting old and white Oprah Probably too long Rachel Maddow Romney Science is pretty alright but damn dude it ain't the only thang Science motherfucker do you speak it Stephen Colbert The fall of Americans Elect is the Centrist 9/11 The goddamn AP The Guardian These are the jokes The worst thing about 30 Rock is when they treat Brian Williams without contempt This made me laugh so hard that I was rolling on the floor Tommy Friedman Tony Blair Too angry to swear much this time Van Jones Vox Washington Post We will refrain from making Mickey Kaus goat jokes. For now. What happened Nate Silver I had such high hopes for you what is a centrist I don't even Who? Whoever coined the term "Bri Wi" should be forced to take massive quantities of Ex-Lax and Loperamide at the same time
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