First: Wonkette and Charlie Pierce.  Read them now and always.  They get it.

Second: I have to piss at all times.  Such is my reaction to alcohol.  But I endure it, because I believe in swearing at centrists.  WOLVERINES!

Third: It is abundantly obvious that every single person on the TV knows that Obama is going to win, but no-one is saying it.  We will soon see who I will not want to play poker with, if I were ever invited to a poker tournament at David Gregory’s house.

10:05 Fox News: their panel talking about how a hypothetical President Romney will negotiate the fiscal cliff is sadder than all the puppies ever born drowned in a river of radioactive sludge.  To their credit: one of the blonde anchor dolls says that the Republican party was never interested in crafting policy that both parties could agree on, both in past sessions and in the future.  Although Y-delivery-system Megyn Kelly immediately says, “Well so what, even given that, doesn’t that mean Barack Obama will not be able to govern from the center in his second term.”  It’s evil, but it’s the kind of evil that I’m glad is being given airtime tonight.

10:12 MSNBC: Calls it for Obama by calling Ohio.  So did Fox News.  CNN is still clueless. I love it.  No one needs to pay attention to CNN ever again.  THERE ARE FIREWORKS BEING SET OFF IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD, and John King is still saying that “Virginia could still put Obama over the top.”  Fuck CNN.  This is the exact moment when it dies.

10:19 Fox News: the rapid reaction spin is that “Obama’s campaign did a good enough job campaigning to keep it’s job.”  Megyn Kelly: “Obama’s campaign defined Romeny as a venture capitalist, and didn’t let people see the person who spent his life helping others.”  They’re also expressing their profound disbelief that the polls turned out to be right.

I’m concerned.  There was lots of discussion of whether Romney would be blamed for a loss, or whether conservatism as a philosophy would be blamed.  Steven Heyes is giving the “Romney didn’t push the contrasts enough; the exit polls says that ‘53% of the exit polls say that the government is doing too much of what could be done by private business” line, but every other person on Fox is giving the “Romney’s a pussy” line.  The Token Blonde says “maybe voters haven’t realized things like . . . maybe I shouldn’t complete that thought”.

The conservative response might be to game the media EVEN MORE THAN lying in every clause and muddying the very boundaries of what is campaign apparatus and what is a news division.

But those are concerns to take up in at least a few hours.  Right now everyone needs to get as drunk as possible and fuck someone they care about.

10:35 PBS: Ok, chicks and cocks, I was wrong.  We can’t take off a fucking second.  Because this is the moment when the deficit hawks are going to start dominating every stray electron available to get their message out to the public that DA FISCAL CRISIS must be addressed.  PBS is doing it’s part by having David Brooks and Mark Shields agree, more in sorrow than in anger, of course, that Obama’s election means that the nation is much more likely to go over the “fiscal cliff” in the coming months.

What is the fiscal cliff?  Naked Capitalism’s got your back.  It’s a set of policies whose internal triggers all trip at once, so it looks like we’re going to be hit by the Bush Tax Cuts expiring at the same time that the trillion dollar sequestration cuts are due to come into effect, along with a few other inconsiquential measures.  IT’S THE SCARIEST THING EVER.  Except agreeing to stop the sequestration cuts is the easiest thing ever, since no-one wants them, and everything else is an unalloyed good.  (Rich people have more cash they’re hoarding now than at any other point in human history; it would be much more efficient for the state to deploy it through tax-n-spend programs than having the rich park it in stocks and bonds).

Despite the fact that the “fiscal cliff” has an obvious-to-all path to follow in order to benefit the nation, it will be used as an excuse to institute austerity, tax cuts, budget cuts, pain for the hoi polloi and free money for the top .1%.  DO NOT LET THEM DO THIS.  CALL YOUR HOUSE AND SENATE REPRESENTATIVES, AND LET THEM KNOW YOU WILL NOT STAND FOR AUSTERITY OR CUTS. 

Voting is an incredibly crude tool for letting the powers-that-be know your preferences for how the country should be run.  If you voted, you should also call your representatives, at all levels of government, letting them know that you will not stand for further budget cuts in the name of austerity.  We are the ones we have been waiting for, and we have been given a republic, if we can keep it, and future generations will wonder what you did in order to stop the thieves and petty thugs from stealing economic wealth away from you.  Whatever cliche touches your heart, repeat that to yourself as you dial your congressman, demanding she fight for you.

11:10 CNN: They’re still talking about how county-level results might affect the election, even as they acknowledge the outcome won’t be changed.  IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER, DIPSHITS, TALK ABOUT OTHER RACES, BALLOT INITIATIVES, ETC.  This is yet another indication that CNN doesn’t understand the age they are operating in, that news networks are portraying policy positions and possible future paths as much as facts, and that it is inevitable they will whither and die if they don’t change their outlook.  Fox News and MSNBC were talking about future policy and political implications in the same sentence that they were announcing Obama won.

11:13 I have drunk all my wine.  Judged it pretty good, if I say so myself.

11:27 PBS: This is completely epiphenomenal but there is a huge slapfight among presidential historians (read: there is vocab like “i strenuously disagree”!) about concession speeches in the past forty years.  Even in matters where it completely does not fucking matter, there is a “both sides do it” ethos among network news coverage.  I need a drink.