Talk about a fucking beat that would sap anyone’s strength . . .

Had you caught Paul Ryan’s speech to the Republican convention last night (and if you missed it figuring you were all full up on egocentric monsters luxuriating in their own righteousness, more sympathetic I could not be), had you braved the speech you could not fail to notice Paul Ryan flatout lying on every substantive point he brought up.

Not errors of omission, either, like how a half hour earlier Cloud of mushroom with a side of Rice had just kinda not mentioned Iraq or how Osama Bin Laden has not been livin’ for the past year.  No.  Ryan told straight-up fuckin’ lies.  A sample:

– The “Obama took $715 billion from Medicare” chestnut that Michelle Bachmann got called crazy for peddling in 2010, and which cuts in any case Ryan put into his own Granny-starving plan.

– A GM plant in Ryan’s hometown was closed, AFTER Obama said that “if government helps [this situation] out, this factory will stay open for another hundred years.”  GOODNESS.  But uh the plant closed in 2008 so uh yeah.

– Trashing Obama for failing to follow the Simpson-Bowles commission, a commission which did not actually issue a final recommendation because it was blown up by a certain zombie-eyed House member from Wisconsin.

– Trashing Obama for getting US debt downgraded by a few agencies.  Oh if only the agencies issued reports specifying in detail why they downgraded that debt why they might have specified that their decision was because of the Republicans’ willingness to treat the debt ceiling like the Lindbergh Baby which would eliminate any excuse for a barely sentient person to avoid calling this stinky bullshitty lie what it is.

Prudence demands drawing the curtain on the freak show at this point, but rest assured there are plenty more where those came from.  Those links are all compendiums of lies, by the way, and they don’t overlap very much.

(Update – Can’t believe I forgot this: aside from the fucking lies, Ryan just flat-out contradicts himself within a few sentences.

Everyone who feels stuck in the Obama economy is right to focus on the here and now.  And I hope you understand this too, if you’re feeling left out or passed by: You have not failed, your leaders have failed you . . .

When I was waiting tables, washing dishes, or mowing lawns for money, I never thought of myself as stuck in some station in life.  I was on my own path, my own journey, an American journey where I could think for myself, decide for myself, define happiness for myself.  That’s what we do in this country.  That’s the American Dream.  That’s freedom, and I’ll take it any day over the supervision and sanctimony of the central planners.

In other words, “it’s Obama’s fault that you’re such a fucking moocher.”)


At this point the only sane, rational, honest response to Ryan taking out his cheddar cheese dick and slapping every American in the face with it is the one of Timothy Bryce, the only interesting person I know:

Paul Ryan: American Psycho

The voice of reason. Boy next door.











This, of course, is a character from the cinema movie film American Psycho, expressing similar sentiments toward Mr. Ryan that he expressed toward a speech in which Ronald Reagan was lying in said movie film.

Does the reaction of centrist media types meet the lofty standards of a character from American Psycho?


Better than stuffing a hundred dollar bill- I'll be right back

Better than stuffing a hundred dollar bill- I’ll be right back

I used to be 6'2''.  That's what happens when your soul leaves you.  Becoming a German midget is inevitable.

I used to be 6’2”. That’s what happens when your soul leaves you. Becoming a German midget is inevitable.






















Of course, some people aren’t so lucky in the people they work with.  John Heliemann isn’t as bad as most.  But on Morning Centrist Blather Responsible For More Human Suffering Than NFL Concussions, he has to share space with Joe  Scarborough.  Joe Scarborough, who’s sole and total observation on Ryan’s lies this morning were as follows, “Well, look, Ryan lied about Medicare.  But through lying he neutralized the issue and wiped the slate clean.”

So he’s going to Hell.  But Heliemann is willing to call a spade a spade, usually.  Today, though,

Morning Joe pays me in cud and I'm damn grateful for it

Morning Joe pays me in cud and I’m damn grateful for it














Just let me point out EVEN IF it’s true “both sides do it” (which, no, but even if) saying so in reaction to a speech whose every substantive point was an outright lie is centrist faux-balance bullshit of the highest order.  Which I guess in Heilemann’s case is appropriate.
(Update – and of course in the closing seconds of the show this morning this little burlesque played out between Heilemann and Joey Scars:

Heilemann: I’ve heard from the White House and they’re upset that the lying lies in Ryan’s speech haven’t been highlighted, so in the interests of fairness I’d like to point out that in at least one instance, yes, Ryan had a lying lie that was pretty blatant.

Joey Scars, in his most smarmy Ned-from-Body-Heat voice: Okay, good, need to make sure the White House is happy.

I mean is there any clearer indication that these people view themselves in the main as stenographers; that the corporate structure of these shows is to provide a simmering level of surface conflict that mustn’t touch actual substantive analysis; and that if some accidentally gets in, even in the most brief and tepid way possible as Heilemann’s did, it will be identified and excised and dismissed even as it is being made.  Fuck Joe Scarborough.  Fuck these centrist dickasses.)

And this stuff just trickles down.  A rising centrist tide lifts all boats.  Whatever metaphor you want to use.

Here’s Johnathan Martin writing for centrist website par excellence Politico.  Guess what he takes until the seventeenth paragraph to acknowledge?  And the euphemism he uses is just precious:

On that there boo-fay I like dem french-fried pa-taiters MMHMMMM

On that there boo-fay I like dem french-fried pa-taiters MMHMMMM












And even in the quietest media pastures, bothered only by gentle breezes and soft sunshine, that serve as sinecures for old ink-stained pros to serve out their careers in peace, centrist bullshit litters the earth.  On an NPR blog (!) Liz Halloran writes of Ryan’s “claims” that “kept the fact-checkers busy” . . . wait for it . . . “just as they will remain busy through the Democrats’ convention next week”.

Ahh, got mah frappecino here, got mah feet up, rockin' my snuggy . . . c'mon over here, public discourse . . . let me stuff this centrist bullshit down your throat . . .

Ahh, got mah Frappuccino here, got mah feet up, rockin’ mah snuggy . . . c’mon over here, public discourse . . . let me stuff this centrist bullshit down your throat . . . mmmm, so relaxing

















Because that’s the deal, right.  Centrist jizzum is the medium through which corporate political discourse propagates.  IF you rock the boat, IF you have the gall to call a lie a lie, IF you dare to point out that Ryan just gave the most dishonest and mendacious speech in American politics since at least Bush lied about the yellow cake in Africa, you will be exchanged for another mouth-breathing typist who won’t.

As I’ve read this stuff more and more I have another movie running through my head.

“What you’re hired for is to help us.  Does that seem clear to you.  You are here to help us.  To HELP us!  Not to: FUCK. US. UP.  To help men who are going out there to try and earn a living.  You faerie.  You company man.”

h/t Eschaton, LGM