Lizza was actually an original member of the Wu Tang Clan.  That's where he got the name.  But he left when he didn't want to take sides in feuds.  Of course he kept the name.

Lizza was actually an original member of the Wu Tang Clan. That’s where he got the name “the Lizza.” But he left when he didn’t want to take sides in feuds. Of course he kept the name.

Ryan Lizza has an eye for detail.  His massive reporting pieces on political figures in the New Yorker usually tell stories no-one else has.  But the spry young pup can sling centrist bullshit further and longer than all but the most seasoned veterans.  I don’t know why you’d want recent proof, but here you go:

Lizza’s post describing Marco Rubio’s recent foreign policy speech couldn’t past a plagiarization test with Michael Gerson’s column describing the same speech.  Who is Michael Gerson?  Why,

Like, srsly, as we used to say in late 2002 and early 2003

Like, srsly, as we used to say in late 2002 and early 2003

The post, as the Scotsman said to the comely lass, grows below the fold. 

It’s almost beside the point to criticize the actual content of Lizza’s post, but this is nothing if not a blog dedicated to thorough analysis.  Also I’m just going to quote him and let common decency do the actual criticizing.

“Everything about the speech was meant to send a message of bipartisanship. He was accompanied by Joe Lieberman, the hawkish ex-Democrat”

Continuing evidence that Rubio was being bipartisan: “he name-checked Bob Kagan, the author and foreign-policy thinker most famous these days for being mentioned by Barack Obama as his major influence.”  . . . ok, I can’t let common decency take the sole crack at this one.  FUCK YOU LIZZA.  A REPUBLICAN NAME-CHECKING ONE OF THE FOUNDERS OF THE GOD DAMN PROJECT FOR A NEW AMERICAN CENTURY IS NOT BEING FUCKING BIPARTISAN YOU PIECE OF RUNNY SHIT.

“Rubio . . . gave a crisp and thoughtful tour of the world that, with very few changes, could easily have come out of the mouth of Barack Obama.” wait for it “Even on the most controversial subjects in foreign policy today, Rubio drifted from conservative orthodoxy” here it comes “It was a safe speech” ugh

“In follow-up questioning, he noted the importance of the word “potentially,” adding that arming any group is serious business and more must be learned about the opposition before sending them guns. In a town where calling for arming this or that group has been done rather cavalierly in recent years, this sort of caveat is a welcome change.”  I can’t fucking believe that adults who have been steeped in politics most of their adult lives and are handsomely paid to write political analysis and well-regarded for the quality of analysis can write something like “my stars someone who is not currently campaigning for anything who says we shouldn’t just drop guns from transport carriers willy-nilly over the Middle East in a speech that will be forgotten by everyone except people like me who want to tongue bathe centrism deserves special praise for being brave and insightful”

“Rubio’s speech was notable for its civility” once again, can’t resist saying “fuck you”

Oh also when Lizza was coming up in the New Republic he was a careerist dick.  Spencer Ackerman told me so and even though he was in the middle of an intense professional and social situation during the events of the story, in the light of the above I believe every word.  Also because when I was searching for pictures of Lizza I literally could not find one in which he did not look like a colossal dickass.  If you happen to find one go ahead and send it.  It’s as rare as a picture of a giant squid.

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